In a society that gives much value to development, progress and achievement, the spiritual life becomes quite easily subject to concerns expressed in questions such as, “How far advanced am I?” “Have I matured since I started on the spiritual path?” On what level am I and how do I move to the next one?”—”When will I reach the moment of union with God and the experience of illumination or enlightenment?” Although none of these questions as such is meaningless, they can become dangerous against the background of a success-oriented society. Many great saints have described their religious experiences, and many lesser saints have systematized them into different phases, levels or stages. These distinctions can be helpful for those who write books and for those who use them to instruct, but it is of great importance that we leave the world of measurements behind when we speak about the life of the Spirit. A personal reflection can illustrate this:
When after many years of adult life I ask myself, “Where am I as a Christian?” there are just as many reasons for pessimism as for optimism. Many of the real struggles of twenty years ago are still very much alive. I am still searching for inner peace, for creative relationships with others and for the experience of God, and neither I nor anyone else has any way of knowing if the small psychological changes during the past years made me a more or a less spiritual man.
We may say, however, one thing: In the middle of all our worries and concerns, often disturbingly similar over the years, we can become more aware of the different poles between which our lives vacillate and are held in tension. These poles offer the context in which we can speak about the spiritual life, because they can be recognized by anyone who is striving to live a life in the Spirit of Jesus Christ.
The first polarity deals with our relationship to ourselves. It is the polarity between loneliness and solitude. The second polarity forms the basis of our relationship to others. This is the polarity between hostility and hospitality. The third, final and most important polarity structures our relationship with God. This is the polarity between illusion and prayer. During our life we become more aware not only of our crying loneliness but also of our real desire for a solitude of the heart; we come to the painful realization not only of our cruel hostilities but also of our hope to receive our fellow humans with unconditional hospitality; and underneath all of this we discover not only the endless illusions which make us act as if we are masters of our fate but also the precarious gift of prayer hidden in the depth of our innermost self. Thus, the spiritual life is that constant movement between the poles of loneliness and solitude, hostility and hospitality, illusion and prayer. The more we come to the painful confession of our loneliness, hostilities and illusions, the more we are able to see solitude, hospitality and prayer as part of the vision of our life. Although after many years of living we often feel more lonely, hostile and filled with illusions than when we had hardly a past to reflect upon, we also know better than before that all these pains have deepened and sharpened our urge to reach out to a solitary, hospitable and prayerful mode of existence.
And so, writing about the spiritual life is like making prints from negatives. Maybe it is exactly the experience of loneliness that allows us to describe the first tentative lines of solitude. Maybe it is precisely the shocking confrontation with our hostile self that gives us words to speak about hospitality as a real option, and maybe we will never find the courage to speak about prayer as a human vocation without the disturbing discovery of our own illusions. Often it is the dark forest that makes us speak about the open field. Frequently prison makes us think about freedom, hunger helps us to appreciate food, and war gives us words for peace. Not seldom are our visions of the future born out of the sufferings of the present and our hope for others out of our own despair. Only few “happy endings” make us happy, but often someone’s careful and honest articulation of the ambiguities, uncertainties and painful conditions of life gives us new hope. The paradox is indeed that new life is born out of the pains of the old.
The life of Jesus has made it very clear to us that the spiritual life does not allow by-passes. By-passing loneliness, hostility or illusion will never lead us to solitude, hospitality and prayer. We will never know for sure if we will fully realize the new life that we can discover in the midst of the old. Maybe we will die lonely and hostile, taking our illusions with us in our grave. Many seem to do so. But when Jesus asks us to take up our cross and follow him (Mark 8:34) we are invited to reach out far beyond our broken and sinful condition and give shape to a life that intimates the great things that are prepared for us.
To live a spiritual life means first of all to come to the awareness of the inner polarities between which we are held in tension, each one representing a different movement of the spiritual life. The first movement, from loneliness to solitude, focuses primarily on the spiritual life as it relates to the experience of our own selves. The second movement, from hostility to hospitality, deals with our spiritual life as a life for others. The third and final movement, from illusion to prayer, offers some tentative formulations of that most precious and mysterious relationship which is the source of all spiritual life, our relationship to God.
It hardly needs to be stressed that these movements are not clearly separated. Certain themes recur in the different movements in various tonalities and often flow into one another as the different movements of a symphony. But hopefully the distinctions will help us better to recognize the different elements of the spiritual life and so encourage us to reach out to our innermost self, our fellow human beings and our God.
~ Adapted from Henri J.M. Nouwen, Reaching Out: the Three Movements of the Spiritual Life
