I am thirsty for light
My God, I am thirsty for light. I beg for light. I find myself in such confusion, I walk in such a fog, that I have an urgent need of Your enlightenment.
My ideas are indescribably confused. You see what a mess I am inside. Have pity on me.
I have studied in such an undisciplined way, God. I listened with a kind of curiosity that almost bordered greediness. I was often fascinated by modern ideas. I felt myself powerless to the torrential assaults of diverse ideologies.
I lived through the tragic deaths of the different ideals that my soul had embraced.
Now, All-Pure Light, I stand in the half dark twilight like a blind man. I am trembling in my uncertainty. I don’t know any more where my next step will lead me, or where my spiritual wandering will terminate.
Open my eyes. Enlighten my eyes (Psalms 12:4), Christ. Light up in me the light of Your Spirit, so that I will be able to see correctly, to see fully.
Don’t deny me Your light on the path of life. Show me what I have to believe. Set my ideas in order. By Your light burn away in me whatever may be faulty, bad or sick in my spirit. With the brilliance of Your Truth knead my principles and values.
Show me, O Untainted Sun, what I must do, how to live, what I should love, so that I might always find myself under Your bright rays, that I might always be walking in the light of Your face(Psalms 88:16).
Please, shine even into my intellect, so that I progress in understanding and I conquer knowledge. Arm my mind with clarity of thought, increase the power of my perception and judgment, and strengthen my memory.
Make me an enlightened person, someone who would always advance in education. The true education.
O Jesus, Eternal Light of the world, Mark upon us the light of Your face (Psalms 4:7), and let the brilliance of Your deity shine down on our minds, our hearts, and our wills.
Hold my faith upright
My God, my God, hold my faith upright within me. It is shaken. It bows. Doubt – those iron tongs – squeezes my mind all the time. I am afraid that my skull will split into a million pieces.
Unfathomable, Great God, I am being squeezed into the most dramatic contradiction. While I plead with You to support my faith, I act with a shocking composure without faith.
Do You even hear me? Are You there? Maybe I am talking to the air, to absolutely nothing. I am terrified!
My doubts eat my heart. The mind is about to quench the flame in me. My God, hold me firmly. Don’t extinguish the light. How will I live without You?
Oh! How many unholy hands sow in my heart the seeds of hesitation and put my faith to the test! Above all, God, the pain that lords over millions of souls staggers me.
Next are my passions, the sub-human that lurks within me, and would even wish that You would not exist.
And the conquests of science, its worship, the inebriation that it brings to mind, all shake the edifice of my faith.
Lord, increase our faith (Luke 17:5). If this was said by the Apostles when they had You near them, and they were physically seeing You and hearing You, what then should I say – I who lives in a confused world, God, where instincts murder reason, the way of life causes nervous breakdowns, and idols hide our vision of You from our weary eyes?
Lord, I believe, come to my aid in my disbelief (Mark 9:24). My Jesus, increase my faith. Disperse the cloud of doubt. Make my hesitance disappear.
Give me confirmation of Your presence. Speak to me. Dispel the silence.
Show me a sign by which my restless spirit may be persuaded to know that You are there.
Hearken to my voice (Psalms 129:2). And let my cry come to You (Psalms 101:2). Lord, I believe, come to my aid in my disbelief.
~Taken from Speaking to God, by His Eminence Archbishop Demetrios, Primate of the Greek Orthodox Church in America. Speaking to God was originally published in Greek in 1960 by the Christian Student Union, Athens, Greece, and is now available in English.
