Some Other Things He Told Me about His Life on the Mountain
One day, I arrived at his little trailer home about two to two-thirty in the afternoon.
“Welcome. How is it that you arrived here at this time of day? Is there another person outside?”
“No, I’m the last one. I have come to find out from you how we can acquire the Grace of God.”
“I was in obedience to two elders on the Holy Mountain. They were strict. They scolded me. They never praised me. However I felt their love.
“I occupied myself with woodcarving. But they would not let me complete the whole job. You will do the job up to this point but no further,” they said.
“(I didn’t know why they did this to me. I now realize that others who had learned the whole job probably left after learning).”
A Handicraft without Question
Once both Elders were absent. I saw a little o bird nibbling on the grapes on the vine. I immediately took a piece of wood and carved that particular scene. It was beautiful. It was like a living bird with its wings unfurled and the grape looked real. As soon as the Elder returned I showed him with a great sense of joy what I had done.”
“What is this?” he said to me. “Where did you get permission to do this?” He immediately proceeded to break it into two pieces.”
“My, my! Didn’t you get upset, Elder?”
“I didn’t get upset because I realized that I should have asked for permission.”
I immediately silently scolded myself.
“I, Elder, I have great difficulty in asking for permission. When I am in the monastery, I prefer not to do something rather than to humble myself by asking for permission.”
And the Elder responded: “I lived a heavenly life at the monastery because I didn’t do anything on my own. I was constantly asking. You know the monastic life is not a life that is free, quiet, and carefree. It is a life that is pressured by humility and submission. It is one thing to desire to become a monk and something else to be made for monasticism. In other words, if someone does not set out with profound love for Christ, he is apt to go crazy. Do you understand these things that I am telling you?”
“Certainly, Elder, I think that I understand you.”
“Man, in his primitive and wild state lived alone. He did whatever he wanted. The roots of wildness exist within us. Many people, especially women, seek isolation so that they can be free from submission to their parents. They want to live alone to live as they desire to live. This is not the monastic life.
“People go to the monastery with these primitive elements of wildness that prevailed in primitive man. And as soon as the struggle begins, when the requirements for obedience and dependence are imposed, they get frustrated and say, They don’t understand me, and then they leave. They end up finding themselves alone with their own will.
~Adapted from Monk Agapios, The Divine Flame Elder Porphyrios Lit in My Heart
