Parents’ Grief
Many parents have to suffer the death of a child, at birth or at a very young age. There probably is no greater suffering than losing a child, since it so radically interferes with the desire of a father and mother to see their child grow up to be a beautiful, healthy, mature, and loving person. The great danger is that the death of a child will take away the parents’ desire to live. It requires an enormous act of faith on the part of parents to truly believe that their children, however brief their lives, were given to them as gifts from God, to deepen and enrich their own lives.
Whenever parents can make that leap of faith, their children’s short lives can become fruitful far beyond their expectations.
~From Henri J.M. Nouwen, Bread for the Journey: A Daybook of Wisdom and Faith
Love and the Pain of Leaving
Every time we make the decision to love someone, we open ourselves to great suffering, because those we love most cause us not only great joy but also great pain. The greatest pain comes from leaving. When the child leaves home, when the husband or wife leaves for a long period of time or for good, when the beloved friend departs to another country or dies, the pain of the leaving can tear us apart.
Still, if we want to avoid the suffering of leaving, we will never experience the joy of loving. And love is stronger than fear, life stronger than death, hope stronger than despair. We have to trust that the risk of loving is always worth taking.
~From Henri J.M. Nouwen, Bread for the Journey: A Daybook of Wisdom and Faith
Remembering the Dead
When we lose a dear friend, someone we have loved deeply, we are left with a grief that can paralyze us emotionally for a long time. People we love become part of us. Our thinking, feeling, and acting are codetermined by them: Our fathers, our mothers, our husbands, our wives, our lovers, our children, our friends—they all are living in our hearts. When they die a part of us dies too. That is what grief is about: It is that slow and painful departure of someone who has become an intimate part of us. When Christmas, the new year, a birthday, or an anniversary comes, we feel deeply the absence of our beloved companion. We sometimes have to live a whole year or more before our hearts have fully said good-bye and the pain of our grief recedes. But as we let go of them they become part of our “members,” and as we “re-member” them they become guides on our spiritual journey.
~From Henri J.M. Nouwen, Bread for the Journey: A Daybook of Wisdom and Faith
***
