It is not possible to become another person the moment we start to pray, but by keeping watch on one’s thoughts’ one learns gradually to differentiate their value. It is in our daily life that we cultivate the thoughts which irrepressibly spring up at the time of prayer. Prayer in its tum will change and enrich our daily life, becoming the foundation of a new and real relationship with God and those around us.
In our struggle for prayer the emotions are almost irrelevant; what we must bring to God is a complete, firm determination to be faithful to him and strive that God should live in us. We must remember that the fruits of prayer are not this or that emotional state, but a deep change in the whole of our personality. What we aim at is to be made able to stand before God and to concentrate on his presence, all our needs being directed Godwards, and to be given power, strength, anything we need that the will of God may be fulfilled in us. That the will of God should be fulfilled in us is the only aim of prayer, and it is also the criterion of right prayer. It is not the mystical feeling we may have, or our emotions that make good praying. Theophane the Recluse says:
‘You ask yourself: “Have I prayed well today?” Do not try to find out how deep your emotions were, or how much deeper you understand things divine; ask yourself: “Am I doing God’s will better than I did before?” If you are, prayer has brought its fruits, if you are not, it has not, whatever, amount of understanding or feeling you may have derived from the time spent in the presence of God.’
Concentration, whether in meditation or in prayer, can only be achieved by an effort of will. Our spiritual life is based on our faith and determination, and any incidental joys are a gift of God. St Seraphim of Sarov, when asked what it was that made some people remain sinners and never make any progress while others were becoming saints and living in God, answered: ‘Only determination.’
Our activities must be determined by an act of will, which usually happens to be contrary to what we long for; this will, based on our faith, always clashes with another will, our instinctive one. There are two wills in us, one is the conscious will, possessed to a greater or lesser degree, which consists in the ability to compel ourselves to act in accordance with our convictions. The second one is something else in us, it is the longings, the claims, the desires of all our nature, quite often contrary to the first will. St Paul speaks of two laws that fight against each other (Rom 7:23). He speaks of the old and the new Adam in us, who are at war. We know that one must die in order that the other should live, and we must realise that our spiritual life, our life as a human being taken as a whole, will never be complete as long as these two wills do not coincide. It is not enough to aim at the victory of the good will against the evil one; the evil one, that is the longings of our fallen nature, must absolutely, though gradually, be transformed into a longing, a craving for God. The struggle is hard and far-reaching.
~Archbishop Anthony Bloom, Living Prayer
