I read a lot
“I read a lot. I was very studious. I read mystically. I took the time to do this whenever I could. I learned the Gospels of Matthew and Luke by heart and I learned half the Gospel of John. I also learned the Psalms. I studied the Fathers. I studied for many hours. I did spiritual work.
And you should know that I did not know how to read. I had only a second grade education in elementary school.
When I first went to the Monastery, during the vespers service, they gave me the Psalter to read.
I began syllabizing “Bless-ed- is-the-ma-n.”
“All right,” they told me, “that’s enough.” You will take the Psalter, you will read it well so you can learn it. You will also read the Synaxarion of the Saints. Nothing else. “I read but I didn’t understand. I did not have dictionaries. For example, I did not know that oikos means home. Thus I would find the same word elsewhere and from the context I would find the meaning of the words. I memorized whole pieces and all day, as I ran amongst the rocks, I recited them loudly with emphasis. Later on, I took the Paracletike, the Triodion, and the Menaion. I read with passion.”
As the Elder was saying all these things about his life, I felt he said them directly to me in order to urge me to do the same thing and much more with the help of God. I had learned a few things. I was not uneducated.
Having expressed himself in this way I became convinced and was amazed by his ability to read my soul and to enlighten all the dark areas of it. A bit later he added, “That which I liked most of everything was the Trinitarian canon every Sunday night at the Sunday Midnight Hours. When the brother read it, I became very attentive. And sometimes when he read softly or quickly and I didn’t understand or did not hear properly I would get very upset. Then I would retreat into myself and would fall into the Jesus Prayer.”
Hearing these things, I would become very critical of myself. Because every time the Trinitarian canon was read, I would say within myself, “Oh! This is difficult. I don’t understand it. And until the reading was finished, I would purposely not pay attention. At that moment, I felt intellectual chaos reigned within me. What a wretch I was”!
I didn’t interrupt him I allowed him to add whatever he wanted.
My heart began to be enlightened as if this clairvoyant Elder was opening up a window in it. Near him, I felt an infinite sense of simplicity and trust. I believed without any doubt that he had received Grace from God to read our hearts and that he knew all of our secret passions and weaknesses.
~Adapted from Monk Agapios, The Divine Flame Elder Porphyrios Lit in My Heart
